He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
