Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
