Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
