She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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