you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
