i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
