Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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