The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
