I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
