Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
