Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
