she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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