Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
