Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
