Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
