And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
