You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
