just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
