he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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