Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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