First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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