i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
