Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
