I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
