Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
