Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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