I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
