we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
