Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.

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(516): View more from New York

I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime

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(716): View more from New York

Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor

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(925): View more from California

Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.

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(813): View more from Florida

I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.

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