Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
