Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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