I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
