Whod you bang
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
