Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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