C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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