it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
3pm strippers are depressing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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