so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
