Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
