dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
