I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
