He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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