I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
