for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's even glitter on my cock...
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