You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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