Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
