He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize