you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
