all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
