girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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