its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All the doctor said was why
I enjoy the company of your penis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
