Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
