I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize