I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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