Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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