new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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