I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
