Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
