My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
