please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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