I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
