Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize