Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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