Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
