Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
