I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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