I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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