I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
