What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
