I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
