i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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