he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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