1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
