how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
