im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
