I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found the puke drawer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
