i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just cropdusted the office
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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