I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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