I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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