dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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