He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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