so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
