You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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