i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
