I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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