I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are all done wearing pants today
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
