He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize