Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
