six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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