i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
