my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How does one acquire holy water?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
