Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
