he puts the penis in happiness.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
