i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize