We won't sleep together?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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